You don’t know Emma*, but I wish she did

Sad woman

Seeing her sad and frustrated tweets and other social media updates, I want to gift her almost by osmosis the wisdom I gathered from years of caring too much about other people’s opinions and reactions to what I did, didn’t do, do or don’t do.

I want her to feel the freedom and deep joy of loving her own decisions so much, that she needs other people to love them less.

This girl (woman) is intelligent, funny, articulate, professional and beautiful. She is a kind person and anyone would be proud to call her a friend. The sort of friend where a secret told is a secret forever and never divulged – not even in pillow talk.

But she does not know her worth.

Whether from bad relationships, toxic childhood or years of conditioning, she has a mindset that believes she is not worthy of love or, at the very least, better treatment from those around her.

Coaching, advice, mentoring, call it what you will, helps in the moment but will only really ‘take’ when Emma* starts to believe herself worthy.

And for it to take, Emma needs to practise, practise, practise.

Practise taking succour from those who support her and ignore completely those people who do not have her best interests in their heart.

My young life was so dreadfully unhappy under the weight of other people’s opinions, that I made a conscious decision to ensure my children would never suffer such unhappiness.

Simplistic, maybe, but they divide life’s encounters into people who have their best interests at heart and those who don’t. And those who don’t are to be ignored or managed. Managed since some people who do not have our best interests at heart do still sometimes have power over us. Teachers or bosses as an example, here.

I feel for Emma because she has worked so long and hard. Too long and hard to let those people who do not matter continue to be the ones who dictate how she feels about herself and her decisions.

Emma has put so much into this world and other people that I yearn for her to give herself the same measure of respect and nurture.

To know that she is worthy.