Dear Best Friends,
It is my sad duty to report that one of our number has, unfortunately, found herself in ‘The Granny Way’. She is due in the next week or so.
While the shame which has been brought to bear on our anti-ageing group cannot be articulated (without succumbing to the usual vulgarity and a stiff drink), Clause 5.6.1233.iiiia.ix can, however, be pressed into assistance.
This Best Friends’ Clause states that, in the absence of consultation with those who do not themselves wish to be perceived as old enough to be Grandmothers, it is within the group’s right to end all and any relations with those of its membership who chose to enter Grannydom without prior consultaton with her homies.
That Ladies who Lunch have the consitutional requirement to enjoy a well-made Cosmopolitan without the added mix of a dribbling and incontinent appendage being dribbled over by another dribbling and incontinent appendage.
That what was the flipping point of all those anti-ageing lotions and potions if members are then expected to lug around said member who unshamedly and joyously admits to soon entering the gates of The Granny State. Okay, the clause doesn’t say that, but it is implied.
Sisters, it is therefore our duty to inform our Sister-into-Grannydom that while second chances into membership are indeed possible, it is on the condition that no mention of the word ‘Grandmother’, or other such demon moniker, is uttered in the public hearing (this includes Cosmopolitan carrying Waiting staff).
Lastly, a reminder to the membership as a whole, should reminder be needed, that any flirtation with Great Grandmother-dom presses into effect Clause 5.6.1233.iiiia.ix(a) – immediate dismisable without any chance of reinstatement.
HMS HerMelness Speaks